Why do we assume? Do we create or destroy in doing so?

There are times we all make assumptions in our lives. We also tend to make decisions based on these assumptions. Most assumptions are based on past life experiences that have nothing to do with the current situation we are faced with. Yet, we judge the current situation based on that and create chaos and negative outcomes because of that. We are usually wrong when we judge a situation because of past assumptions. Have you ever made an assumption to only later find out you were completely wrong??? Have you ever heard what they say about that word? hmmm ASS.u.ME.....

We must have all the correct facts at hand before we judge a situation properly. Do not let past life experiences get in the way of our present or our future. Trust is built and maintained in proper communication and complete openness. Focus on showing and seeing the whole picture for what it really is. It is destroyed by choosing to look at things by our fears, worries, and failing to communicate. It is only a matter of time before all involved will actually see the facts and the reality of the situation. Then what happens??!! Hurt, pain, distrust, crushed relationships, and much much more. Do not hide in the shadows and keep secrets for fear of what someone might think or hurting others involved. If that fear exists, we shouldn't be doing it in the first place. Instead, clear the air and earn respect in the process.

Diligently Silent

Have you ever experienced the dreaded "Silent Treatment" from someone you love or care about?  
Have you ever shut someone out yourself in order to get your point across?

The question is; what exactly does it accomplish?  There are many reasons someone might use this tactic in their interaction with us.  The most prevalent reason would be in order to establish boundaries or ground rules of what someone is willing to allow in their lives.  They have certain expectations that they envision in a situation, become very distant, and shut us out when their expectations are not met.  Sometimes those expectations are voiced before this action and sometimes they are not.  One thing is clear.  They are definitely not being voiced at the time of the silent treatment.  So then, how does it allow us to get our point across?  The silent treatment may be a common response to conflict in relationships, but it is also one of the most destructive.

The most intense of household prayers come during these silent treatments.  

• Oh God, I hope that's not him/her pulling into the driveway.
• Oh God, When will they finally go to bed and leave me alone?
• Oh God, When will he/she finally talk to me again? 
• Oh God, What can I do to change this situation so we can finally be right together again?  

Why Do We Go Silent?

I recently read an article that addressed just this and gave a real world perspective in a highly intelligent couples life.  It was written by Mort Fertel who is a marriage expert that helps to rebuild troubled marriages.  Here is a copy of the email he received and his words on this topic.

Dear Mort,

We are in week 2 of the silent treatment! It all started over something little and ridiculous! We are both adults, old enough to know better than this! He is a judge, I am a social worker! He won't budge! I need help!

Jodie

Most silent treatments start like Jodie's started; with something "little and ridiculous." Most couples can't remember what the impetus was. And if they could, they'd be too embarrassed to admit that something so small blew-up into something so big.

So what are these silent treatments or stand-offs REALLY about? And how can you avoid them or end them soon after they begin?

It's interesting that Jodie made a point in her email to say that she and her husband "know better." In other words, they're intelligent, educated, and accomplished people. Jodie's husband is even a judge, an expert in distinguishing between right and wrong. They know that treating each other this way doesn't make sense. They know IT is wrong. But they also know that THEY are right.

And that's exactly the problem!

Silent treatments ensue when both people feel they're RIGHT. And the more intense each spouse's conviction to their perspective, the longer the silence lasts. And, ironically, the more intelligent and the articulate the couple, the MORE LIKELY they are to endure silence between them. Because intelligent and articulate people have confidence in their position and justification for holding their ground.

Although Jodie is surprised that her and her husband, intelligent people, could be so petty; the fact is that one reason they're holding their silence for so long is BECAUSE they're intelligent. In other words, intellectual capacity and marital satisfaction can be INVERSELY related. Let me say it another way: When it comes to your marriage, you can be right or you can be happy. But sometimes you can't be both.

In a courtroom, a hospital, or an office, right and wrong determine success or failure. The decision to prescribe the right medicine, for example, could be the difference between life and death. The relationship between the doctor and the patient is secondary. Being RIGHT is what matters and what is rewarded.

But in marriage, being right has no value. All that matters is the relationship.

Sometimes you have to choose. Do you want to be right or do you want to be happily married?

 
When prisoners are being punished, they are put in isolation, because being isolated is one of the harshest punishments there is — other than physical abuse. The silent treatment is a form of punishment, a way of attempting to control your partner or others into doing what you want them to do. It is a withdrawal of approval, and can cause much fear in people who are vulnerable to this.
You are giving people the silent treatment when you shut down to them, closing your heart and refusing to interact with them or acknowledge their presence. You act as if they are invisible, not responding to them at all or giving them a very minimal and withheld response. Your hope in treating them this way is that they will get the message that they have displeased you. They have done something wrong in your eyes and deserve to be punished, deserve to have your "love" taken away.

Of course, what you are taking away is not love at all, since love is unconditional. What you are taking away is your approval, and for approval-dependent people, it is a powerful form of control.

While it may seem to us to work for the moment, there are huge negative consequences following the silent treatment. While your partner may rush around to try to please you and get you to reconnect with him or her, the fact that you have so deeply disconnected creates feelings of heartache in your partner, that may eventually lead to the end of the relationship. What seems to work for the moment may lead to exactly what you don’t want in the long run.

The silent treatment is one of the most frustrating tactics and can provoke even the most patient person. Depending on the method used, it can make the person on the receiving end feel powerless, invisible, intimidated, insignificant, looked down on, disapproved of, guilty, frustrated, and even angry.  Many people will make choices they normally wouldn't due to these feelings.  They feel completely lost and need to find a way to make the silence stop.  They even search for reasons the behavior is happening.  Sometimes, this even leads to crazy thoughts and ideas due to not knowing the real reason for being treated this way. 

There are even more reasons some resort to the silent treatment tactic.  Some resort to this due to feelings of being embarrassment or feelings of shame.  We have all made choices at times in our life we are ashamed of.  They make us feel like a failure, feel empty inside, allow us to question our self worth, and even make us question everything in the world around us.

It is much easier to continue making the bad decisions than to just speak up and share our shame with those we care about.  We know that what we are doing is wrong, but we continue to do it anyway.  Many have the mentality that they have already done something wrong, and it is easier to just keep doing it and keep it quiet.  However, this only leads to deeper feelings of shame and questioning our values because we know what we are doing isn't right.  We know continuing to put ourselves into the situation is destructive to us and those around us.  It is just easier to stay in that situation than to "do the right thing" by those we love and care about.  Unfortunately, this leads to a very long list of negative feelings and a web of lies to cover up the situation and our bad choices we are ashamed of.  The only way to end this destructive cycle to by stepping away from the negative behavior and admitting to the mistakes to the ones we care about.  This is a very very hard step to make.  We make ourselves vulnerable in bearing our souls and our mistakes to those we care about.  This vulnerability is exactly what ends the destructive cycle and brings us closer to the people we care about.  It shows them that we care enough about them to be honest with them, even when that truth may hurt them because of our actions.  It shows trust in that person to be able to forgive us when we may be struggling to forgive ourselves.  This type of intimacy and connection is exactly what it takes for any healthy relationship to grow, be successful, and overcome things that every couple will be faced with at some point in a life together.  We must be able to get beyond our pride and humble ourselves to be completely honest for the sanctity of our relationship.  Yes, it is a very hard step to take but it is always the right step to take.  Those who love us will always respect the honesty and will respect us in the process.   

Past research has shown that, compared to other couples, those who practice the silent treatment are:

• More likely to do damage in a situation than good
• Less satisfied with their relationship in the long run
• Less intimate with one another
• Poorer communicators with their partners

Psalms 32:3-4  "When I kept silent, my bones became brittle from my groaning all day long.  For day and night your hand was heavy on me; my strength was drained as in the summer's heat."

Mark 9:34 "But they were silent, because of the way they had been arguing with one another about who was the greatest."

Ezekiel 16:42 "So I will satisfy my wrath against you, and my jealousy will turn away from you.  Then I will be silent and no longer angry."

 
 It's a bad habit that must be abandoned if a relationship is going to thrive.

Don't Let Others Stand In Your Way!

"No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born." ~Dale Turner

Many people in life will try to bring us down.  Those people may be someone that's jealous of your success, people that generally are miserable and want to see others fail, or even just someone that has many bad habits themselves and creates issues in the attempts to make themselves look better.  These are just to name a few of the kind of people that will attempt to stand in our way when we attempt to let out our "sleeping giant". 

Do not let these people win!!  They may create road blocks or bumps in life, but those things only make us stronger in the end if we allow them too.  Remember that life is 90% what we make it.  No matter what happens to you in life you must take the high road and attempt to use it as fuel to grow and prosper!!

Learn from our mistakes

"Do not fear mistakes - there are none."

--- Miles Davis

The only true mistakes are the ones we make but do not learn to better ourselves from.  Mistakes or poor decisions are meant to make us a better person.  Many out there do not learn from their mistakes.  They continue to do the same thing over and over because it is familiar or because they do not assess that mistake and make a wiser choice next time around.  This is going down the wrong path in life and doesn't allow us to grow. 

Make the right choices in your life! 

Grow and learn from choices we make that do not bring favorable outcomes!!

Everyone can better themselves and their lives if they only look at every situation in a positive light!!

Find the good in every situation and grow rich in life!!

Only you have that power!!

Detours In Life

 We all face detours in life.  Many of us use those detours to learn and grow.  Others get lost within their detours.  We postpone or even forget our Dreams when we follow these detours.  Are you in a detour at this point in your life?  The key to these detours is to learn and grow from them.  Some detours and new avenues in life are long and some are just the blink on an eye.  We have to watch for these detours, go into them with the mindset of facing uncharted waters, and knowingly keeping our eyes open.

What was your last detour?  What did you learn from the experience?  Are you still in a detour?  

Is this "detour" going to lead to a positive or negative outcome??

"A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour." ~ Anonymous

 "Failure is a detour, not a dead-end street" - Zig Ziglar

Passion for your goals

Believe with passion in yourself and your abilities to reach your goals.

We are the only ones that can stand in the way of our goals.  We must believe in ourselves and our abilities with all our heart to be able to reach our dreams and goals in life.  Many people out there WILL tell us that our dreams can't be reached or that it's not "normal" to chase our dreams.  Well, "normal" people NEVER changed the world.  People throughout history have been ridiculed for their dreams and aspirations.   Do you really think that if they had listened to the people around them that they would have reached their goals or actually seen their visions?  Where would we be if Thomas Edison had listened to everyone when he was told that the electric light bulb was impossible?  What if Alexander Graham Bell had listened to everyone when he was told that his visions of creating an easier way to communicate wasn't "normal".  We can see examples of this throughout history and our past cultures.  Many of these "big thinkers" were considered to be totally crazy because they saw the world in a different light.  Does that make them "crazy"?  Absolutely not!!  We are who we are today because of these people who weren't afraid to step outside the box and do something different in their lives.  

Isn't it time that you step outside the box and do something to change the world around you??  

Don't be afraid of what others may think or say!!

Be your own person and make a difference. 

Whatever it takes to chase your vision and make your dreams a reality!! 

  

We are the ones responsible for achieving our dreams

There are many people who can and will temporarily detour you from your dreams.

You are the only one that can permanently stand in the way of reaching your dreams!!!

The Fork In The Road

 We all have times in our life when things begin to look bleak.  What do we do when are faced with  those life defining moments?  We have choices.  What are they?

We've all seen the signs or heard the old saying about a fork in the road.  We are faced with forks through-out our lives.  That's what life is.  It's a long line of choices.

Option One - Cruise Control

Take the path to the left which leads us into a life of "cruise control".  Whatever happens, happens.  We just coast along not making any real choice.  We may see things we dream of, we may not.  Odds are, we won't.  They go through life just doing the norm.  Consequences come as we move along this path.  Again, going with the flow when those times arise.  

What kind of life is this really?  Sure, we never have to make a choice.  Is that really worth the consequences me may see along that path?  What are we going to see more of; consequences or rewards?  

Look at the people around us in our daily lives.  Are they happy living this kind of lifestyle?  Will they see the dreams they may have in life?  Sure, someone my get luck from time to time.  They may stumble into someone that's going after what they want in life and latch onto them.  They may win the lottery and live the "good life" for a small period of time.  What's going to happen when the person spends all the money and are right back when they started?  They may just luck out and simply come across something worth hanging onto.  

How many people do you know on this path?  How many actually enjoy their life?  Do we have more friends on this path or on one of the others?  

Option 2 -Free Falling

Take the path to the right that leads to unfavorable outcomes.  We never like options we may be faced with.  We always complain about the things in our daily life.  It's always someone else's fault.  We complain about everything, but we do nothing but complain.  We sit in our corner regretting everything we have or may come in our lives.  We sit back watching life around us.  We find the negative in every aspect.  

What kind of life is this?  Sure, we never have to take responsibility for anything.  Are we going to be happy in this life?  I think it would be safe to say that every single person that chooses this path is unhappy with the results life may bring.   What are we going to see more of; consequences or rewards?  My money would be on a consequence.  Choosing the negative path always leads to negative results.  So, why do so many of us choose this path.  It's because this path is even easier than taking cruise control.  It's a long, winding, downhill slide.  This path is long, fast, and overwhelming.  We don't have to take responsibility for anything.  It's never our fault, yet we want to complain about it.


Look at the people in our daily lives that are on this path.  Are they happy?  Do they enjoy their lives?  Have they been able to actually reach goals they may have once seen for themselves?  I would also say no.  They are very unhappy people.  They are the ones we see and say, "What's wrong with them.  They are mad all the time.  They hate me.  They are so mad at the world."  What kind of life is this going to lead?  We have all chosen this path at one time or another in our lives.  This path leads to living our lives in a rut.  The problem here is; once we find ourselves in this life of quicksand, it is so hard to get out of that most people just give up and drown.  They can never see a way out.  So, they continue to choose this way of life.  It is something that is familiar, and familiar is good to them.  It's easier to know the outcome than to take a risk and attempt something new.  It's still not their fault.  It's just part of them.  It's the way they were raised.  They don't know different.  They have no idea how to change it, so they continue to choose this path over and over again.  Guess where this person is going to be and how they may feel at the end of their life.


How many people do you know in this category?  How many actually enjoy their life?  Do we have more friends on this path or one of the others?  

Option 3 - Forward Momentum

 Take the center path that allows us to continue to move in a straight line.  The other paths distract us from building momentum as we come to the next crossroad in life.  This is the path that give us the faith and confidence that we can make the right decisions as we move forward. 

What kind of life is this?  Are we happy on this path?  What kind of results might we see?  This path has has the grand views along the way.  We have much more to see and admire.  No need to stop and smell the roses.  We are on our way to touch the stars.  Who cares about roses!!  Roses have thorn.  Hello!!!  The thorn are to protect the beauty right?  Those thorns are there to remind us that there are consequences for touching or smelling them.  Sorry, but I'd rather just admire their beauty from above when I'm looking down on large fields of wonder.  The center path of forward momentum will always move us closer to our dreams and goals.  We can look back in amazement at the rivers we've crossed once we get to the other side. 

We are happier people when we get the things we want our of life.  We take a great pride in knowing that we got their and we did it on our own.  We feel accomplished.  We rejoice in our rewards as we continue to move forward and enjoy that life.  We continue to climb higher and higher until we can see all the others as they twist and turn through their maze of choices.  We watch as they are faced with obstacles in their everyday life.  This is truly life on a mountaintop.  Our lives are filled with more opportunity, less chaos, greater rewards, and a greater lifestyle. 

How many people do you know in this category?  How many actually enjoy their life?  Do we have more friends on this path or one of the others?  

Living Abundantly

What path do you tend to follow?  What path does the people we surround ourselves with choose?  We become our environment.  We run in packs with others of like minded ideas and philosophies.  Is it time to make different choices in life?  Are we really ok with the path we are on and the results we may face?  

Life is about making the right choices and continually evolving into the person we want to become.  

Let's be the best person we possible can and do everything in our power to reach our goals and dreams.

"What good is a man that does not make the world a better place?" - Kingdom of Heaven

Attitude is Everything!!!

Have you ever noticed how attitudes are more contagious than a cold? Have you ever been in an incredibly good mood, and gone around someone that is negative and complaining all the time? They brought your down just being around them didn't they! On the other hand, have you ever been in a bad mood and gone around someone that is very positive and helped you find the positive side of your problems?  

Attitudes are very powerful!!!

Negativity is like a tree!  All it takes is a small "seed" of negativity to begin growing.  One negative thought leads to another, leads to another, leads to another, and leads to another.  Before we know it we have a small shrub growing all around us.  If we don't trim that shrub by choosing to focus on positive things in our life, the shrub soon becomes a tree.  That small tree soon grows into a large Redwood that we cannot seem to get away from the shade it casts over us and everything around us.  

Do not allow negative seeds to grow in your garden!!   

Focus on the positive in your life and see the difference it can make in moving forward and getting ahead.  Positivity doesn't grow near as fast as a negative seed will.  It is much harder to focus on positive things around us.  It's even harder when bad things seem to be surrounding us.  Look closely and think outside the box, and I bet you can find something positive in EVERY situation. 

Today's challenge is to find one positive fact in EVERYTHING that happens to you over the next 24 hours!!     

Let's see how much better you feel tomorrow by doing this. Who knows!!  Maybe attempt doing it each and every day to give yourself a break from the negativity around you.

 I bet you'll feel much better about your life!!

Daily quote and words of wisdom by Rhino Rowley

"Fate is for those too weak to determine their own destiny." - Kamran Hamid

Madness consumes when we decide to stop moving forward!!

Stop making excuses. Make the time to chase your dreams!!

Quote of the Day

"Take risks: if you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise." - Anon.

It's not how many times we fall or get pushed down.
It's all about how well we pick ourselves back up!!

Remember to stay ethical and positive in the process!!!

Time for a change!

It's time that I got off the pot and made a difference in this world!!

As many of you know, I have had a goal to become a Motivational/Inspirational Speaker for many many years. This is something I am very very passionate about. I have focused for years on growing and accumulating information to reach this goal.

This is the start of making that vision a reality!!

Much more to come. Please pass the word along as often as possible!!!